How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
and eventually we just all took our pants off
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
