I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am available for nakedness
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
