I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
