He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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