Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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