I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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