i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You made out with two different species that night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
