the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
