you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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