Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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