5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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