If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
