he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
