hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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