i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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