You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
