am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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