I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
