i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
