a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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