Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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