In the future we'll all be gay
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
