i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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