Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
