I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
