somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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