You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
