Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
