i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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