i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
