and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
