Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
