i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
