i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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