Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
love makes seman taste better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
