I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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