Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
