We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
