she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
