i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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