Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
