Don't you send me to vm
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
