am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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