The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
