I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize