So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
