They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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