Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
