I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
