I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
