I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
