i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
