lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I need to align my fucking chakras
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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