Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
