The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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