I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
