i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
