You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
