I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
