My hand turned me down
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
