I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
