Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
