I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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