I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
