shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
