ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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