Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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